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【書本領悟】停止內耗的秘密：與其改變他，不如放過自己 (PERSONAL GROWTH)
「點解你冇買花俾我？」
「點解你唔幫手做下家務？」
「點解你唔理下啲細路？」
然後，另一把聲可能會在心中（或口中）爆發：
「點解你成日都哦我?!?!?!」
這些對話，是不是很熟悉？無論是在網上、還是從朋友口中，我們總會聽到類似的拉扯。你站在你的星球，覺得自己的要求合情合理；他站在他的星球，覺得你的話語是無盡的煩擾。
我們將自己的精力，消耗在埋怨、失望、和嘗試控制無法控制的事情上，但情況卻沒有絲毫改善，反而讓彼此的心越走越遠。
最近我讀了 Mel Robbins 的一本書 – The Let Them Theory，她提出的「Let Them」概念，給了我很大的啟發，很想和大家分享。
📖「Let Them, Let Me」：一個讓你重獲力量的思維轉變
「Let Them」理論其實有兩部分：Let Them (由得他們)，和 Let Me (由得我)。
這不是一個讓你委曲求全的口號，而是一個將能量重新聚焦於自身的強大工具。
- 仔女想同同學去食街邊嘢？Let them，與其擔心衛生，不如思考下一步。
- 另一半想食炸雞？Let them，先放下那個減肥計劃的說教。
- 伴侶只想坐低睇電視？Let them，先收起對那個電視節目的抱怨。
重點來了，第二步是 Let Me：
- Let me 煮一頓健康的晚餐，去平衡他們今天吃了什麼。
- Let me 預訂一家我們都喜歡的健康餐廳，享受下一頓的相聚。
- Let me 整理好屋企，創造一個我們都能感到舒適的空間。
你看，這個想法的重點，從來都不是「由你做晒所有嘢」。而是要你認清：你的「哦」，除了磨損關係，並不能改變對方。 而「Let Me」，則是將你從被動的抱怨者，變為主動的創造者，讓你重新掌握生活的主導權。
HAKME 的真實自白：一場關於「Put It Down」的領悟
我以前在 corporate 工作時，也經歷過這種無力感。當時我需要將一份薪酬建議書交給一位同事審批。但每一次，他的反應都是頭也不抬地說：「放低啦!」。
無論我怎麼解釋這件事有多緊急，這個候選人可能會被其他公司搶走，他的答案永遠都是那一句。
初時，我真的非常生氣。我會向同事抱怨他有多無禮、多麼不近人情。但除了讓自己充滿負能量，事情沒有任何進展。
直到我決定：「Okay, Let Him be Mr. 放低啦. 我改變不了他。」
然後，我跟自己說：「Let Me find a way to work with him.」我的目標不是改變他這個人，而是要「完成工作」。我開始向內尋找答案，而不是向外尋求改變。
有一天，我換了個方式，很輕鬆地對他說：「其實，如果你不快點批，候選人被搶走了，我又得重新再找、再提交，這樣反而會浪費你更多時間去處理新個案。」
他依然是那一句：「放低啦!」但是，第二天，簽了字的 approval 就回來了。
我沒有改變他，但我用一種他能理解的「語言」，達到了我的目的。這就是「Let Them, Let Me」在職場上的真實應用。
❤️ 尊重，是最高級的溫柔
Mel Robbins 書中有一句話讓我印象深刻：「你需要去對方所在的Level與他相遇… 這是他的人生旅程，你需要尊重它。」
我們常常覺得自己的意見「絕對正確」，但我們忘了，你的「正確」只適用於你自己。對方的人生課題，需要他們自己去經歷和學習。當我們強行將自己的想法加諸於人，即使出於好意，也可能是一種不被領情的打擾。
✨ 給你的一點溫柔
「Let Them」不等於啞忍或放棄溝通。相反，它讓你放下情緒，從而可以更有效地溝通。
與其攻擊對方「你又食埋啲垃圾嘢！」，不如溫和地邀請：「我 book 咗間新餐廳，好似幾得意，週末我哋去試下吖？」
你不再是那個充滿怨氣的「監管者」，而是一個共同創造美好體驗的「夥伴」。
致所有感到心累的你，請記住，你無需背負起改變全世界的責任。
下一次，當你又想控制、又想抱怨的時候，試著深呼吸，然後輕輕地對自己說：
「Let them be them. Let me be me.」 (讓他們做他們自己，讓我做好我自己。)
你會發現，當你溫柔地放過這個世界，你真正放過的，是那個一直以來都很努力、很累的自己。
【ENGLISH VERSION】THE SECRET TO STOPPING INNER CONFLICT: INSTEAD OF CHANGING THEM, LET THEM (PERSONAL GROWTH)
“Why didn’t you buy me flowers?”
“Why didn’t you help me with the housework?”
“Why didn’t you help me with the kids?”
And then, another voice might explode, either in your mind or out loud:
“WHY DO YOU ALWAYS NAG ME?!?!?!?”
Do these dialogues sound familiar? Whether online or from friends, we always hear similar tug-of-wars. You stand on your planet, feeling your request is perfectly reasonable; he stands on his, finding your words to be endless annoyance.
We pour our energy into complaining, disappointment, and constantly trying to control the uncontrollable, yet the situation doesn’t improve. Instead, our hearts just drift further apart.
I recently read a book by Mel Robbins called The Let Them Theory where she introduced a concept called “Let Them,” which gave me a profound insight I’d like to share.
📖 “LET THEM, LET ME”: A MINDSET SHIFT TO RECLAIM YOUR POWER
The “Let Them” theory actually comes in two parts: Let Them, and Let Me.
This isn’t a slogan for you to silently endure everything; it’s a powerful tool to refocus your energy back onto yourself.
- Your kids want to eat street food with their classmates? Let them, and rather than worrying about hygiene, think about the next step.
- Your significant other wants to eat fried chicken? Let them, and set aside the lecture about the diet plan for now.
- Your partner just wants to sit and watch TV? Let them, and hold back the complaints about the show.
And here’s the key part, step two is Let Me:
- Let me cook a healthy dinner to balance what they ate today.
- Let me book a healthy restaurant we both like, to enjoy our next meal together.
- Let me tidy up the house to create a space we can both feel comfortable in.
You see, the point of this idea has never been “you do everything.” It’s about recognizing a harsh truth: your nagging won’t change them, it only erodes the relationship. “Let Me,” on the other hand, transforms you from a passive complainer into an active creator, allowing you to retake control of your life.
MY CONFESSION: AN EPIPHANY ABOUT “PUT IT DOWN”
I felt this sense of powerlessness when I used to work in corporate. I had to submit a salary proposal to a colleague for approval. But every single time, his reaction was to say, “Put it down!” without even looking up.
No matter how I explained the urgency, that the candidate might be snatched up by another company, his answer was always the same.
At first, I was furious. I would complain to my colleagues about how rude and uncooperative he was. But other than filling myself with negative energy, it didn’t move things forward at all.
Until I decided: “Okay, Let Him be Mr. Put It Down. I can’t change him.”
And then, I told myself: “Let Me find a way to work with him.” My goal wasn’t to change his personality; it was to “get the job done.” I started looking for answers internally, instead of seeking change externally.
One day, I tried a different approach. I very casually said to him, “Actually, if you don’t approve this quickly, the candidate will be gone, and I’ll just have to find another one and resubmit, which will end up wasting even more of your time on new cases.”
He still replied, “Put it down!” But then, the magic happened—the signed approval came back the very next day.
I didn’t change him, but I reached my goal by speaking a “language” he could understand. This is the real-world application of “Let Them, Let Me” in the workplace.
❤️ RESPECT IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF GENTLENESS
There’s a line in Mel Robbins’ book that struck me deeply: “You need to meet the person where he/she is at… it’s their life journey and you need to respect that.”
We often believe our opinion is “absolutely correct,” but we forget that your “correct” only applies to you. Other people have their own life lessons to learn, at their own pace. When we force our ideas onto them, even with good intentions, it can be an unwelcome intrusion.
✨ A GENTLE REMINDER FOR YOU
“Let Them” doesn’t mean silent endurance or giving up on communication. On the contrary, it allows you to set aside your emotions so you can communicate more effectively.
Instead of attacking with, “Why are you eating that junk food again?!”, try a gentle invitation: “I booked a new restaurant that seems interesting, want to try it this weekend?”
You are no longer the resentful “supervisor,” but a “partner” in creating wonderful shared experiences.
To everyone feeling weary, please remember, you do not need to carry the responsibility of changing the world.
The next time you feel the urge to control or complain, try taking a deep breath and gently telling yourself:
“Let them be them. Let me be me.”
You will find that when you gently let go of the world, the person you truly set free is the one who has been trying so hard and feeling so tired: yourself.
