I thought today I am going to write something different again just to switch things up a bit and you all seem to really like when I write something more motivational/ personal/ emotional…etc. I am sure all of us have gone through times and situations whereby things get so hard to the point that we want to give up; or any new things that are out of our comfort zone scares the shit out of us and we somehow think, “no, I can’t do/handle this.” I personally have experienced so many occasions like that in my whole life. When I was younger, I was a total “give-up”-er (I started to invent words again but you know what I mean). I told myself I couldn’t do certain things or I wasn’t really interested or whatever, long story short – I magnified all the reasons why I couldn’t and I made constant excuses for myself (it wasn’t really helping when I was a grasshopper brain as well).
Things changed when I realised my own issue and I worked really hard not to demean myself and my abilities, not to mention taking away “I can’t” out of my dictionary. Yea of course, something do require in-born talent like singing, no matter how hard I try, when I don’t have the voice, I don’t have the voice, so this post is really dedicated to the actual life surprises that happen on a daily basis. I guess we all have our own little ways to deal with things like that, some of us deal with the out-of-the-blue really well while some of us need more pep talk with ourselves. Here are some of the things that I do when I encounter a new situation, a new thing I need to do, or a challenge; I hope it might help some of you in some ways.
Photography by MJPhotographyHK
Top: New Look Actually I Can Jumper (link)
Jeans: Zara Slim Boyfriend Jeans
Glasses: Tom Ford TF5400-F
Bracelets: Cartier Love Bracelet (previous video)
Embraced Being Chosen Because It Means People See IT in YOU
No matter in school or at work, I seemed to get picked for most things that others didn’t want to bother. It literally went from stupid reading competition in school to different tedious “projects” at work (allow me to use the fancy word – projects – here to make it less tedious). I never volunteered anything because I wasn’t that aggressive person, I was (still am) a laid back person who just got chosen for almost every possible thing that you could imagine. Was I sick of it? Yes! Had I done most of these things before? Hell, no! Did I wonder, “WHY ME?” Of course. Do they sound alien to me? Oh yea! Was I frustrated that I got more shit to do? Certainly. But all these negative thoughts had to go, otherwise it would have consumed me (and babe, that’s not cute). We always see things from my own little world and it’s hard to understand any other perspectives other than our own. Then I learnt to ask “why me?” in a curious manner (be mindful of the tone, it’s a sensitive question, so you really need to sound sincere not derogatory). Very often, I found the answer quite amusing and I learn something new about myself from another person’s perspective. Sometimes, the answer is so straight forward that it’s almost funny, and I have come across this one that “scars” me for life, “oh, we just need someone to do it, and I have the most faith in you following through and making it happen.” It’s flattering in a way when you really chew down to every single word. Some would argue that “then that’s not fair, because I am more capable, I got more work” or “that’s not fair because I got more work and I still got paid the same”. True and not true. If money is the sole consideration in the world, I don’t think we will have the words “job satisfaction”, right? It’s not all about money (for me anyway). It’s about doing something that I am proud of and I know once I commit, I will go full force so that I don’t violate the trust that people have given me. Quite a few years ago, I started telling myself, “if they choose me to do something, that means they see something in me, if they can see it, then I need to see it too.” If people pick you to do something, they know you can do it; then why would you demeaning yourself? At the end of the day, the knowledge and experience that you gain from doing something new stay with you forever and no one can take that away from you. I am sure it would benefit you in the long run.
Focus on the Good Outcome
Right, what’s the worst that could happen when you try something new? Nothing, you are no better off/ worst off than the here and now. But what’s the best that could happen? Oh my lord, the result might mean the world to you! Human nature tends to worry first and the brain somehow magnifies all the negatives, then these people freak themselves out even before start. I hear many times in my life when someone got something new to try, “what if it doesn’t work?” I almost never hear people saying, “what if it works?” If we set out to scare ourselves to half dead with any new things in life, I don’t think that’s a very brilliant start, isn’t it? It’s like loosing the battle before it even kicks off. Next time, maybe try something else. When your devil asks you “what if it doesn’t work?” Follow with a human logic, “hey BUT what if it does!” and focus on all the amazing things that could happen. You don’t know until you try. Would you rather be a blank piece of paper your whole life or would you rather make lots of mistakes, learn from each lesson and have a colourful life? Your call.
Sleep on the Thought Before You Reject It
I know it’s very tempting to tell yourself “I can’t do this, it’s just too difficult.” Most of the time, it’s almost an instinct to think like this. However, the question that I always wonder is, “have we put enough thought to the situation before we decide that it’s a no?” When I expanded Hakme Beauty from online to physical store, my dad was the one that injected the thought into my head. My first instinct was “ah – more work?! I don’t know if I can handle this.” So I said I would think about it. After sleeping on it, I agreed my dad did make a lot of sense, so I started to bite the bullet and turned it into reality. Yes it was more work, but it’s all worth it. If I thought I couldn’t do it or just simply rejected the idea at that moment in time without thinking it through, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I think sometimes when we hear something that’s out of our comfort zone, our “in shock” mode is on and we instantly dismiss the idea/voice. The key is to ask yourself to calm down, sleep on it before you make an informed decision.
Talk to That Friend
I am sure all of us have those supportive friends around us, you know the ones who have the faith in you, know you well, support you and give you that dose of confidence when you need it. By now, you should have a name in your head! Yep, that’s right! That’s the one! Talk to that friend when you feel that you should try something but you are still not that sure. No, he/she is not responsible for the things that you do or not do in life. Ultimately, it’s your decision. But if you need a bit more encouragement before making that very first step, this person is the one person that you should call. I don’t agree to run your ideas with 10 million people and do a survey to gather thoughts from everyone of your friend/family. This does you no good because all the voices will dilute your thoughts and all these opinion will confuse you. And no, you don’t want that! You want that someone who would say “I always knew that you would do something like that”, “oh, I am so excited for you, this is amazing!”, “of course you can do this, what do you mean you are not sure… (then they started counting how good you are)”. Yes that someone. Surround yourself wisely with the right people, those you can truly count on and those who will lift you up when you need it are the ones that deserve the title “friend”.
Tell Yourself: Actually I Can
Remember that very old video that I talked about how to boost up self confidence (link)? I think I might do an updated version sometime because I feel like I have something to add. Well, when we are growing up, many people tell us we can’t do this, we are not good enough, and we are not talented enough. Some of us never got praised by our parents and we haven’t received the validation that we need in life. We never feel like we could achieve anything and we never feel that power of being invincible. We are afraid to take up a new thing because we are afraid to fail, therefore, we hide behind the excuse of “oh I can’t”. This is brutally honest! When you break it down to the molecular level, it’s fear, isn’t it? Fear is normal, otherwise, we wouldn’t be called human (we will all be gods and goddesses). But don’t let fear wins! Never. You have to distinguish between “I honestly don’t want to do this” and “I don’t think I can do this because I am afraid to fail”. There is a difference, I don’t want to do this means that you have given it thought, you decided that you were not interested and you hadn’t judge whether you had the ability to do it or not. Whereas for the latter one, I think we all know what I meant if we can all be very honest with ourselves. If you find yourself in the latter scenario, make sure you realise the moment, and then go to the mirror, take a good look at yourself, tell yourself “when I put my mind into anything, I can do anything.” I am sure once you overcome that fear and start to work on whatever that you are doing, you will amaze yourself with “oh actually it’s not that hard, and oh yea Actually I Can do this.” I have lived this on repeat so many times and therefore I am this confident to tell you: it’s not that bad after making the first step. You will get used to it and you will find out your new ability.
